Is this a hostage situation…or are we just parents?

You’re just sitting in your living room, minding your own business.  Perhaps you’re watching something on television.  This program is not animated in any way, shape or form.  It’s the Evening/Morning/mid-afternoon/half a second after tea time news with Bimbo Fakesmile and Jack Botox.  Nothing animated about that (Unless you count the two re-animated corpses the affiliate dug up to read the news to you…I do!)  As you listen intently to the weather report, given to you by a man so tan he looked like a giant carrot who fell asleep in a tanning bed on Mercury, you hear a loud, demanding voice echo throughout your living room.

Cheer up, you could be forced to watch this freak.

Cheer up, you could be forced to watch this freak.


This loud yell shatters any notion you had of peace.  “I want to watch ELMO! NOW!”  Your mind reels.  Who is this busting into your home and yelling demands at you?  Is this some pint sized Hans Gruber?  Worse yet, are you going to have to climb through ventilation shafts with bleeding feet?  You quickly look around for this would be shot caller and realize that it’s your toddler.

"Where's my juice box, Mr. McClane?"

“Where’s my juice box, Mr. McClane?”


Yes, your peace and quite is now being held hostage by a person who is just now learning how to pee in the toilet without falling in.  In my case, this was my 2 1/2 year old, Luna wearing nothing but her super heroine shirt and the Eagle cap her grandpa Pretzel gave her.  (His name’s Russell, but she says pretzel.  It fits, he’s a bit twisted and Bavarians love him….I have no evidence to back up that last claim.)  “I want ELMO!  What’s this?”  She says as she stands defiantly in front of the television.  “This is news, Looney.  I like to watch it.  Can you watch it with me, quietly?”  I asked.   Her reply was no nonsense and to the point.  “No!  No news!  You can’t watch the news again, never ever.”  I stood up and reached for the volume, trying in vein to tune her out.  This of course brought the “The News is too loud!” chant.  Followed by the “ELMO is quieter!” method of reasoning.

Rather than argue and battle with a toddler until my head felt like it was full of angry fire ants….I relented and turned the channel.  This of course led to applause which was almost instantly followed by “I want to watch news with you!”



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