….to quote the great, Mike Judge movie, Office space. I felt like I had a case of the mixed Mondays today….The day started off great…I woke up alive, which is always my favorite way to wake up. A beautiful woman (My Wife, of course) made me breakfast for some unknown reason….that’s right about where I mixed the Monday good mood with a nice dose of foot in my mouth and said something stupid, as I am known to do. So from that point on, my Monday was weird. Not, Sasquatch making a PB&J in your bathtub kind of weird, but weird nonetheless. I took the toddler to ballet class, as we walked into the YMCA, she kept calling me Mr. Father Dad, which confused both of us. The class was able to remix the Monday into something nice again. I love seeing my toddler in a tutu, spinning around aimlessly to the “World is a rainbow” by children crooners Greg and Steve. (I believe it was Greg, Steve and Ringo for a little while until he left to join some lesser known, obscure band…I think they were called the aphids, or something…I’m sure it was insect based.) Kids have a way of making you feel important and helpless at the exact same time. I feel important because I am her father, yet I am helpless because…well, I’m me and I have no idea how to fend for myself, let alone help a child….and I had just angered the only person who was actually doing all the work and making me look good.
Wives are like the professor at the end of Wizard of Oz. They are behind the curtain, working all the levers and pushing all the buttons, they are making Oz work and function while Husbands are just this big, green head, yelling and hovering about like a lummox. Our power of intimidation is strictly illusionary. We’re as scared as everyone else…except of spiders. They don’t scare me. Unless they are the size of a pony and hiss or something like that, man that would be freaky!
I could ramble on and on, but the fact of the matter is that if life had a remote control, it would have come in handy yesterday. I would have used the mute button and kept my dumb mouth from spouting off hurtful, stupid things, or I could use the rewind button to go back and keep myself from making the mistake in the first place. The cool thing is that while life may not have a remote control, each new day is kind of like a sequel. It gives me a chance to rewrite the script and move on….I think the title will be “TUESDAY: I’m sorry, Here are some Flowers, I’m going to stop talking before I get in trouble.” What do you think? Too long?